The Sidekick Shuffle
by Mr. Smith1991
Summary: Zim becomes fed up with Skoodge living at his base after the fat Irken accidentally undermines his latest plan and kicks him out. Gaz becomes fed up with Dib after her room is destroyed by a paranormal monster and decides to stay at a "friend's" house.
1. Chapter 1

It was Friday upon the moldy-looking planet known as Earth. A weekend of freedom awaited the children of the penitentiary-esque Skool-system. Unknowing of the evil, alien invader that would use such time to plot their demise.

"... and so you see, my Tallest. The can, while promising the delicious nutrients of the tempting, salty legumes, is filled with nothing but lies! LIES!" Aforementioned evil, alien invader was currently reporting his current plot to his overlords.  
"LIES... and a SPRINGY SNAKE!" Zim exclaimed as he ripped the lid from the can. A cloth-covered spring shot forth from the container and struck the transmission screen with a squeek. Zim could tell by the way his leaders were slouching lazily in their chairs that they were impressed.

The Tallest commonly known by the moniker: Purple, began with a question, "So... how does this weaken the humans?" He inquired, his crimson-colored cohort shooting a sidelong glance at him with a look that said: _You had to ask._

"The sudden, unpleasant appearance of the springy snake will surprise the humans and cause them to fear any such cans in the future. Neglecting the dietary supplements provided by the delicious nuts of Pea, their bodies will wither and they will be unable to put up any resistance when our glorious armada invades!" He outstretched his arms, basking in the glow of his brilliance and exclaiming, "VICTORY!"

"Well, that certainly sounds..." The Tallest Red gave a long yawn mid-sentence, "... devious. Invader Zim, we'll be sure to-"

"Hey, Zim!" Came a nasally voice from off-screen, "D'ya have any more of these cans, I just can't seem to find one with any nuts in 'em- HEY! ARE THOSE THE TALLEST?!" It was at this point a portly, ugly Irken by the name of Invader Skoodge became visible upon the view screen, an open can of lies, cloth and spring clutched in his hand, the contents of which was hanging from one of his antenna. He stood at attention and saluted, "Greetings, my Tallest! It is I: Invader Skoodge! Remember? Skoodge! You know, Skooooodge! Skoodgy! Skoodgy-Skoo! We went to the Academy together!" The fat Irken said, moving closer and closer as he talked until his face was almost pressing against the transmission screen.

"Ew. Ew! EWWWWWW! AHHHH! Get it away! GET IT AWAY!" The Tallest exclaimed. Skoodge did not look good on an HD communication screen. "GET IT AWAAAAAAY!"

"Skoodge! Stop offending our leaders with your DISGUSTING visage!" Zim exclaimed as he pulled his fat friend off of the communications console. "Now, what did you want?"

"Oh yeah, y'got any more of these cans? I can't seem to find a SINGLE ONE with any nuts in them!"

"Um, Skoodge... where did you get that?"

"Storage Bay Three."

"There was over ten-thousand canisters stored there!"

"Yeah, and not a single one had any nuts in 'em!"

"YOU OPENED ALL OF THEM?! Zim has spent a MONTH canning those springs! Those were part of my ingenius plan, you FOOL!"

"Oh, whoops. My bad. My bad everyone!" Skoodge said, turning back to address the screen. "Heh! Boy is my face red!" He chuckled.

Zim, having no words to express his displeasure, settled for repeatedly bashing his head against the communications console.

"Right, well... we'll just let you get that put back in order, huh? End transmission." The Tallest Red ordered, the transmission remained connected just long enough to hear his purple partner say: "I think I threw up in my mouth a little..."

Zim let loose a heavy sigh, lifting his face from the console and pulling a dislodged button from his forehead, "Well, I suppose it's back to the drawing board of DOOM, then."

"That's the spirit, buddy!" Skoodge said, attempting to offer some encouragement. "Need me to get you anythin'?"

"A headhurt-reduction tablet and a Flornesian Grape Soda." He said, clutching his head as he walked towards the lift to the surface.

"Oh, oops." Skoodge said, following his friend onto the elevator.

"What?"

"I drank 'em all."

"You-" Zim sputtered in a fit for a few brief moments before holding his hands up, attempting to calm himself down, "Fine. No big deal, I'll just take whatever we have left."

"That's the spirit, pal!"

Zim sighed, folding his hands behind his back and closing his eyes as he started to contemplated the situation as the lift began it's slow ascent to the surface level. Sure, Skoodge had ruined his plans and sure, he had been cleaning out his food supplies, and SURE he was living at Zim's base rent-free. But, Skoodge was one of the only semi-intelligent beings on this planet whose company he could stand. The alternative was to be left, once again, with only the company of GIR. And that wasn't entirely healthy for Zim's brainmeats. So, he would put up with Skoodge's shortcomings. They were friends, after all.

Phhhhbt!

Zim's antenna shot up at the sound, that couldn't possibly be what he thought it was, could it?

"'Scuse me!"

Zim's scream of frustration could be heard from the entire cul-de-sac.

"Get-out-get-out-get-out-GET-OUT!" He shouted as he shoved Skoodge's fat form to the front door. A hydraulic lift presented Zim with a big, red button as they reached the door. He stepped to the side and slammed his fist upon the button, the door shot open and a large, robotic arm with a smelly, old boot on the end of it swung down from the ceiling, kicking Skoodge in the rear with enough force to send the fat slob flying across the lawn and onto his face.

The portly Irken groaned as he pushed himself up from the concrete, "But, Zim! I hitchhiked to Earth! I don't have anyway off the planet! Where will I go?! How will I survive! How-" Skoodge's groveling was cut short when the corner of the suitcase Zim had just fired from a shoulder-mounted bazooka struck him right between the eyes. "OW!"

"And STAY out!" Zim shouted as he slammed the door.

Skoodge sighed, rubbing his head as he picked up his suitcase and switched on his disguise, but not before waving at the tumor-headed neighbor lady with a friendly, "How ya doin'?" As he activated his disguise his disgusting, alien appearance was shrouded by the holographic visage of an equally disgusting, redheaded, freckled fat kid. "Well, look out, world! Here comes SKOODGE!"

* * *

MEANWHILE! Across the neighborhood at the suburban dwelling of the famous Professor Membrane. The daughter of the world-renown scientist was not amused. Not amused in the least bit. Something had broken down the door to her room, torn through her room and left one of the most unpleasant smells she had ever encountered, along with a fair amount of ectoplasm which was dripping down from the ceiling. Beside her stood her brother, the son of the world's greatest scientist and heir to the Membrane Empire, beaming in amazement at what he had just witnessed. "Wow! Can you believe it, Gaz?! A Mapinguari Ghost! Right here in our own house! The gypsy was right! I can't believe it! Can you believe it, 'cause I can't!"

Gaz' head slowly turned to affix her sibling with a look of pure loathing, the smell of ozone joining the air as her lips twisted into a scowl. Dib let loose a howl of terror as he found himself thrown down the stairs, landing in a bruised heap on the first floor. Gaz dusted off her hands, returning to her room and looking around in disgust. She strode over to her rather impressive computer system, trying to not throw up from the lingering smell of the undead sloth-beast. "Ugh, computer. Execute clean and repair procedures."

"Yes, Mistress!" The deep, heavy-metal singer voice of her computer responded. Various mechanical arms, holding various cleaning utensils, sprouted from the walls and ceiling and began to work upon the mess.

"Estimated completion time?"

"Monday morning! Eee-YEAH!"

"Great. Thanks, DIB!" She sneered and trembled with rage. And entire weekend ruined by her brother's paranormal obsession. Perfect. Gaz was most definitely not amused. She had planned to lock herself in her room for the duration of the weekend and beat the high scores for the newest Twitchy-Shooty Bulletfest: Contemporary Violence game. Now she was stuck with a room that smelled like rotting sloth armpits. That was the sort of thing that made your aim slip.

Meanwhile, Professor Membrane had just come across the crumbled body of his son at the bottom of the stairs via one of his Virtual Parental Presence Devices. He let out a hearty chuckle, rather oblivious to his child's possible concussion, "Watch out, son! That last step is a DOOZY! Ha!"

Dib gave a feeble attempt to push himself up off the floor, only to find the weight of his massive head was much more partial to the ground at this moment. The Professor's monitor turned to address his daughter, who was currently descending the stairs with a backpack slung over her shoulder, "Daughter! Watch your step! A wayward stair seems to have caused your brother to suffer from Newton's Law!"

"Ahuh." She said, making a point to step upon her injured brother when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"My SPLEEN!" Dib wailed.

"Dad, Dib's stupidity has destroyed my room. I'm gonna go spend the weekend over at a friend's house, 'kay?"

"Oh, a sleepover! Why it's been years since your last one with the Ramirez Family. Say, what ever happened to them?"

"Witness Protection Program."

"Ho ho! That's right! You sure were a handful back then!"

"Yeah, call you when I get there, okay?" Gaz said as she strode out the door, slamming it shut behind her. She gave a sigh, glad to be out of that house. Now, the question remained, where would she go? After the Ramirez Incident there were few people willing to let her sleep over. She realized that there was one person who had not heard of the Incident and gave a grimace as she started walking, "This is gonna be a long weekend."

* * *

Back inside the Membrane Residence, Dib's unconscious body was starting to attract flies. He groaned, "Ugh... I think my brain is leaking."

It was after a few more minutes lying face down in a puddle of his own pain that Dib heard the doorbell ring

_Ding-dong!_

"I'LL GET IT!" Dib exclaimed rather cheerfully for someone suffering suffering from possible brain hemorrhaging as he was up on his feet in an instant, rushing over to answer the door to come face to face with a fat, ginger kid with a big, wide smile on his face and a heavy suitcase in his hands.

"Hi!"

"... Hi." Dib said, a brow raised as he looked upon this strange, fat kid. Did he know this person? Was he suffering from amnesia? He SOUNDED familiar. Dib decided he'd try to be as polite as he could be to the stranger on the off-chance he was someone important he had forgotten about due to his abusive sibling's vengeance.

The strange, smiling redhead then asked something surreal, "Can I stay here for a while?"

"Um..." Dib decided that being polite would have to take a backseat. There was a fat, smiling ginger kid with a suitcase whom he had never seen before asking him if he could stay at his house. What would you do? "... who are you?"

The fat ginger looked slightly confused for a moment, "Huh? Oh, right! I forgot!" The strange kid put down his suitcase and pressed a button on his watch. His image twitch for a moment before disappearing leaving a fat, ugly irken standing in his place, "Ta-da!"

"Oh, JEEZ!" Dib exclaimed, taken quite far aback as he looked in horror at the being in front of him, trying not to be visibly ill at the sight of him. Skoodge did not look good in person, either.

The Irken chuckled at the reaction, "Heh-heh, yeah. I get that a lot. So, howsabout it?!" He said, smiling and holding up his suitcase. Dib just waved him in, covering his mouth with his other hand in an attempt to keep the bile down. Skoodge beamed and stepped inside, looking around with a whistle, "Nice place y'got here, buddy!" He set his suitcase down and switched his disguise back on.

Dib seemed to recover from the revolting sight with just the taste of his stomach's juices in his mouth. "Ugh, aren't you Zim's friend? What're you doing here?"

"Oh, he kicked me out. Can you believe that, after all we'd been through together! He just kicks me out! Doesn't even bother to call me a spacecab! Just BOOTS me out the door! Say, are you hungry? I'm hungry! Y'have any muffin mix around here?" Skoodge seemed to be making himself right at home.

"Um, yeah. That's aw-" Dib felt a bit of a momentary relapse of his earlier disgust and struggled to keep the vomit down, "-awful."

"I know, right!" Skoodge said, deploying his pack's spider legs to reach the top shelf, "So, whaddya like in your muffins, pal? Pal?" He looked around, only to find Dib had sped off to the bathroom to throw up, "Well... guess I'll go with chocolate chip, then!"

* * *

MEANWHILE!

Gaz had reached her destination, the putrid-looking, green eyesore that was Zim's Base. She sighed, reassuring herself that as annoying as Zim and his stupid robot dog were, they weren't nearly as annoying as her brother or his paranormal fetish. She figured if she keeps reminding herself that, she would make it through the weekend. Or it would go the way of the Ramirez Family. As she strode up to the front door she could hear the whirring of the security gnomes as they turned their heads to watch her. With a quick look over her shoulder, their heads snapped back forward, terrified they had been seen by the frightening girl. Gaz gave a grunt, ringing the doorbell and waiting. She was greeted by one of the Roboparents, the father-unit.

"-and THAT son is why you always leave a note!" It said, waving what appears to be a prosthetic arm. After introducing said arm to the robot's artificial throat, Gaz dropped her backpack on the floor and hopped up on the couch. Pulling out her Gameslave, she started making bets with herself upon how long it would take for Zim to notice her presence in his base.

It was about two and a half hours before Zim became aware there was an intruder. The Invader was currently down Storage Bay Three, attempting to salvage the Springy Lies Plan. "Three.. hundred... forty... TWO..." He was not making the best of progress. He grunted as he managed to get the spring back into the can, he handed the canister of fallacies to his faithful servant: GIR who, rather than place the loaded container back on the shelf, simply opened and let the spring hit him in the face, giggling wildly afterwards. Zim failed to notice his minion amusing itself at the cost of rendering his efforts pointless. "Three... hundred... forty... THR-"

"WARNING! INTRUDER ALERT!"

"WHAT?!" Zim exclaimed, losing his grip on the can and finding himself greeted rather forcefully by it's contents. Rubbing his face where the snake hit, he addressed the computer, "An intruder?!"

"Uh, yeah. S'been there for the past two and a half hours."

"THEN WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?!"

"I did. And you said..." The computer played back one of Zim's response: _"Yes, yes. Tell me again in fifteen minutes."_

Zim let out a growl, throwing his hands in the air infrustration as he raced for the lift. Contemplating who would await him on the surface, "Dib... no... SKOODGE."

Upon arriving upon the surface level he charged into the living room, shoulder-mounted bazooka loaded with an old boot, he exclaimed, "I told you to get out Skoodge- You're not Skoodge!" He dropped the bazooka in surprise as he looked upon the intruder.

"Pft, what was your first clue?" Gaz responded, not bothering to look up from her game.

"Dib-sister." He spat with disgust, "How did you get into my base?! Who sent you?! Who's arm is that?!" He said, pointing to prosthetic arm sticking out of his decoy-dad's throat.

"Dib and his STUPID paranormal HEAD wrecked my room. I'm staying here over the weekend."

"Oh no, you aren't!" Zim wasn't about to let a filthy human girl squat at his base after the trouble he just went through with a roommate of his same species. "Out! Out! OU-OW! OW! OW!" The Irken, of course, had made the mistake of trying to manhandled the human girl out the door and now found his finger being twisted rather painfully by the plum-haired princess of pain. Zim was forced to take a knee, screaming in agony, Gaz didn't even bother to look up from her game as she twisted, one hand still scoring headshots upon her online foes. "OKAY! OKAY! I GIVE! YOU CAN STAY!"

She released the Invader from the painful death grip and he huddled into a fetal position, cradling his dislocated digit and whimpering. This was going to be a long weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

Saturday Morning. After throwing up and a brief trip to the emergency room, Dib returned home to find Skoodge lounging on the couch watching television and stuffing his face with whatever he could find in the kitchen. Ignoring the alien's greeting of _Hey, buddy!_, Dib headed up to his room and passed out upon the bed.

The next morning when he awoke, he discovered that the fridge had been completely cleaned out.

"What the-?! This can't be right! Dad went shopping just the other day! How could this happen?!" As if by magic, the answer to Dib's question presented itself in the form of a loud, warbling belch coming from the living room. Dib quickly darted into the joining room to find Skoodge, still watching television, surrounded by empty food containers and currently eating the contents of a box of baking soda that had been sitting in the fridge since the Professor first moved in.

"Mornin', buddy!" The gluttonous Irken exclaimed upon noticing Dib's presence. "Sleep well?"

"Um... yeah." Dib stared at his house guest, "Were you... awake the whole night?"

"Yeah, there were some really interesting infomercials on!" Skoodge said as he shoveled another heaping spoonful of decade-old baking soda into his mouth, he scoops out another spoonful and offers it to Dib, "Want some?"

Dib makes a face of utter disgust and declines, "Uh, no thanks. I prefer to eat... y'know, FOOD."

"Oh." Skoodge said before taking a look at the mess of empty containers surrounding his bed, "Oh... Whoops! Didn't think you were gonna eat that! Gee, I feel guilty now. Tell ya what! Let's head to MacMeaties for breakfast! I'm buyin', pal!"

* * *

Meanwhile.

"Eat it!"

"No."

"Eat it!"

"No."

**"EAT IIIIIIIT!"**

"No."

Gaz groaned, she had slept on the couch in Zim's living room last night after earning ten Super-Mega-Splodey-Bomb Killstreak Rewards straight on her game. She rubbed her eyes, trying the ignore the voices of Zim and his annoying, robot dog as they argued.

Why did she smell bacon?

She stretched, emitting all manner of popping noises from her skeleton before she dragged herself off the couch. Yawning as she wandered into the kitchen, she stared wide-eyed for a moment at the sight before her. Zim and GIR were in their disguises, as usual. Zim was wearing a leopard-print robe and overly-excited spacebunny slippers while trying to read the paper as GIR kept shoving a forkful of food at his master's face, no surprise there. What surprised her, though, was the huge breakfast that sat upon the kitchen table. It looked as though someone had taken the breakfast menu from a restaurant and just dumped the contents on the table.

"Eat it!"

"No."

"EAT IT!"

"No, GIR."

"HI, LADY!" The spastic robot cried, waving at Gaz, having just noticed her.

"Eh?" This break in the pattern caused the curmudgeonly Irken to look up from his paper, it was then that GIR's forkfull of food finally found purchase, much to the displeasure of Zim, who doubled over and retched violently as the large morsel of Earth Food violated his mouth.

"Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsistsistsi tsitsitsitSIT!" GIR claimed, gesturing towards an empty chair by flailing his arms wildly in it's general direction. Gaz groaned at the vexing automaton's antics, sitting down just to shut him up, if nothing else. The moment her rump hit the chair, GIR squealed with joy and back flipped into the mountainous breakfast, disappear beneath the sea of pancakes.

Zim coughed and wiped his mouth off on the back of his glove. He was wearing his uniform under his robes, it seemed. "Ah, Gaz-worm. So, you awaken from the PITIFUL human weakness known as slumber. I'll have you know that I could hear the sounds of your dis-GUSTING snoring all the way down in the lab! I had to move Biological Experiment-463-dash-754-"

"CHUBBYBUNNY!" GIR exclaimed, practically exploding out of a pile of breakfast links. Sausages flying everywhere.

Zim sighed at his minion's interruption, "Yes, GIR. "Chubbybunny"." He said, attempting to placate his obnoxious robot dog before returning to rant at Gaz: " -to the Orbital Lab to keep it from going on a killing spree due to your incessantly NOISEY-"

"Are you going to eat any of this?"

"No, help yourself." He said casually, before continuing, "-dissssss-GUSTING SINUSES!"

"Ahuh, fascinating." Gaz said, off-handed as always, as she piled food upon her plate. Zim returned to his paper as Gaz shoveled the food into her mouth, having never been treated to a home-cooked meal in her life, whilst GIR just stood there, smiling dumbly as he watch the human gorge herself. And save for the sounds of Gaz inhaling food, they all sat in peaceful silence.

"Hey, look. They spotted Officer Squidman off the Coast of Brazil." Zim commented.

* * *

Meanwhile, across town at MacMeaties.

"Well, gee! How was I supposed to know they didn't accept Irken Monies."

Dib sighed, his house guest's plan to buy breakfast had collapsed in on itself when the Irken had discovered his interplanetary currency had no circulation on a non-spacefaring planet such as Earth. "It's fine, I told you I'll cover it."

"Hey, look on the bright side! When Zim finally takes over the planet for the Irken Empire, I'll be able to pay you back!"

They sat at a booth next to the window. Dib had ordered a kid-sized MacMeatie-breakfast while Skoodge had ordered everything else on the menu and was currently consuming his food at an alarming pace, smoke rising from his mouth as the meats ate away at him from the inside. Yet, he didn't seem too phased. Dib was about to mention that it probably wasn't a good idea to eat what had to be basically sulfuric acid in burger to his new friend when an alert went off on his laptop. "YES!"

"What is it, buddy?" Skoodge said, shoving a fistful of curly fries into his seemingly unending maw.

"It's Bigfoot! The Swollen Eyeball Network has been trying to pinpoint his migratory pattern for years and according to this, he's going to be heading up north through the woods, TONIGHT!"

"Wow! I've never been to the woods before! Count me in!"

Dib winced internally, he REALLY didn't want to bring this fat slob along on the bigfoot hunt, "Um, yeah. About that... this is kinda dangerous stuff, y'know. Maybe it's best if you sit this one out."

"NONSENSE! I may not look it, now. But, I'll have you know I conquered planet Blorch! Home of the Slaughtering Rat People!"

"How long ago was THAT?!"

"Mm, 'bout a couple of months, give or take."

Dib sighed, doubting he could shake the chubby goof from the hunt. He decided to change the subject. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Oh, like you wouldn't BELIEVE!" Skoodge said, continuing to shove fastfood down his gullet.

"Then... why do you keep eating it?"

Skoodge considered this for a moment, "... I dunno. Guess y'just learn to ignore it! Like this one time... I had to eat my own skin in order to survive! Lemme tell ya all about it!"

As Skoodge recounted the tale that lead to his disgusting act of auto-cannibalism, Dib slowly pushed the rest of his meal away as he felt the familiar feeling of queasiness return.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday Night. The people of Earth were enjoying the short break in their monotonous lives to cut loose, party and generally try to forget about their utterly pointless existence as just another cog in the soulless, corporate machine that was slowly destroying the very world they lived in.

But, I digress.

High above all the towering skyscrapers and pollution-billowing smokestacks, high above the poisonous atmosphere, was Zim's Orbital Base. The crescent-shaped satellite was floating gracefully through the night sky, like a banana floating in a toilet. Though the goings-on inside said base was far from graceful.

Zim had needed an extra set of hands upon the station in dealing with the experiment he had relocated there the previous night. After an exhaustive search of the terrestrial base, Zim remembered that he had kicked out the fat lab assistant (which he had intended to outrun should something disastrous happen, giving him the extra-needed time to escape whilst said lab assistant was torn to shred) yesterday. Out of desperation, he asked his human guest if she would like to take the place of easily expendable lab assistant, failing to notice how miserably horrible he was at disguising the danger of the position. Shouting things like: _"GORED ALIVE"_ and _"HORRIFICALLY EVISCERATED"_ during your offer did not make for the best sales pitch.

Shockingly, Gaz accepted the task. She had just eaten twice her weight in pancakes and had virtually doomed all the online opponents of her new game so hard that they had quit playing with the fury of a thousand suns, so she was in a surprisingly good mood for once, especially with the absence of her annoying, bigheaded brother.

Besides, she could easily outrun Zim.

She got the chance to exercise this fact when, as predicted by Zim's horrible Skool teacher, everything went horribly wrong.

She charged down the corridor, arms locked motionlessly behind her in a V-formation as she sped through the large door to the observation deck. Upon reaching her destination she turned around swiftly and dropped into a fighting position, her boots skidding upon the metal floor as she stopped, casting sparks in their wake.

Zim's arrival was somewhat less impressive, screaming down the hall with arms flailing in terror. He slammed his hand upon the door-close panel, sealing the door to their sanctuary behind him, buying them valuable time to prepare for the horror that awaited them.

"I think we lost them! They seemed more interested in GIR than us! Computer! Bring up the emergency weapon rack!" Zim commanded, a rack of Irken Laser Rifles coming up from the floor. The Irken quickly grabbed one of the projectile weapons, fumbling as he stuffed one of the cylindrical power canisters into the battery well with a _CA-CHUNK._ "All I wanted to do was turn a beloved holiday confectionery into a horrible, flesh-eating nightmare! When did science go so terribly wrong?!"

"I'd say about the same time your stupid robot tried to eat their queen." The human girl responded, grabbing a rifle from the rack and loading it with an almost millitary precision.

Zim growled at the comment, "He's not STUPID he's-"

It was then that the Observation Deck door exploded and standing in the gaping, smoking hole was GIR.

"WHOO! I THINK I LOST 'EM!" The hyperactive automaton screamed at the top of his non-existent lungs, loudly announcing his location to the entirety of the space station.

"-very, VERY STUPID!" Zim cried, taking cover behind a console. The creatures were rapidly approaching the Observation Deck. The trio could hear the evil monsters' chant.

_Chubby... bunny... chubby... bunny..._

Then they came. Horrible, hideous, marshmallow bunnies the size of skoolchildren. Their bodies were stout and they had huge, gorilla-like arms. Their skin were made out of granulated purple crystals and their eyes were chocolate drops of pure malice. Upon seeing their prey, their gaping maws opened wide as they roared, revealing rows of razor-sharp, chocolate chip teeth.

"OPEN FIRE!" Zim exclaimed, screaming as he jammed his finger down on the trigger, spraying the oncoming candy horde with laser-fire. Patches of the confectionery creature's skin burning a dark, caramel color as they were heavily peppered by the Irken's rapid rifle fire. Yelling things such as: "GET SOME!" and "TAKE IT" as he fired without rhyme nor reason upon the candied creatures.

Gaz, on the other hand, not being nearly as spastic as the mentally unstable Irken beside her, managed to pick up the slack with short, controlled bursts. The marshmallow monsters falling to the ground as they found their faces suddenly replaced by a smoking crater, their bodies swelling up and melting into puddles of marshmallow goo as they expired from the violet-haired female's precise headshots.

GIR, meanwhile. Squealed happily as he ran through the field of fire, thoroughly enjoying the laser-light-show, oblivious to the life-threatening situation.

All in all, just another Saturday night.

* * *

Meanwhile, back upon the Earth.

After a long trek out to the woods on the outskirts of town, set back slightly when his alien companion had succumb to the affects of the toxic earth food in the form of explosive, violent diarrhea, Dib had managed to set up camp and was ready to stake out the migratory path of Bigfoot.

"Wow! My first time camping out in the Earth Wilderness! This is gonna be great! Hey, y'wanna sing campfire songs?" Skoodge said, clearly excited by this recent turn of events.

The bigheaded boy sighed at his overenthusiastic new friend. "No, Skoodge. No campfire, no singing. We're here to capture evidence of Bigfoot for the good of paranormal investigators and poor, misunderstood, tinfoil-hat-wearing introverts everywhere!" Dib explained as he set up another hidden camera in the nearby foliage. "Bigfoot is elusive and easily spooked. We'll need to remain hidden and completely quiet if we want to catch a glimpse of him."

"Got it!" The fat Irken said, giving a salute.

"Good, now let's-" Dib gave out a gasp as he looked up. There, illuminating the night sky, was a flying saucer. It let out a noise that sounded like a theremin orchestra going through a woodchipper. Dib's nearby, hidden cameras exploded from the intense noise as the spaceship landed. The sound stopped and a few moments later, a platform lowered from the center of the vessel. Standing upon the platform was a hideous, goat-faced, yellow-skinned tripodal lizard man wearing a puffy, red vest.

The new alien spoke in a high-pitched, cracking voice, "Did somebody order a pizza?" He said, holding up a pizza box.

"Right here, buddy!" Skoodge said, waving at the newcomer.

"That'll be seventeen monies, sir."

Dib just stared, mouth open like a Widemouthed Bass as he watch the transaction take place.

"Enjoy your meal, sir!" The Delivery Alien said, retreating into his ship and taking off in a rather less climatic way than he arrived. Skoodge smiled as he opened the pizza box and took a big bite out of one of the slices. He caught a glance of Dib glaring at him out of the corner of his eye.

"... Sorry, did you want a piece?"


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday morning peaked over Earth's horizon. The sun's early light breached through the atmospherically sealed windows of the Irken Space Station and cast rays of warm sunshine to the candied carnage upon the floor of the Observation Deck. There was an eerie peace in the aftermath of the massacre, though it would be short lived as our anti-heroes knew that soon another wave of marshmallow monstrosities would be charging up from the breach.

Zim wiped the Irken sweat from his brow, "Is there no end to these things?!" He said, ejecting the depleted ammo cell from his rifle, replacing it with a fresh, green, Smiley-Faced Cell. "We are running dangerously low on Ammunition!"

"Gee, I wonder how that happened." Gaz grumbled, looking over to the massive pile of Empty, Red, Frowny-Faced Ammo Cells around the Irken's feet. Her own depleted cells were policed and were far fewer in number than her green partner's.

"It seems as though I underestimated the Queen Bunny. She is replenishing her minions' numbers far faster than I had intended!" Zim rubbed his chin in thought.

"THEY'S BREEDIN' LIKE RABBITS!" Commented GIR, who was currently sitting in a puddle of the dead beasts, dining upon the confectionery carrion.

Gaz growled, "Then let's FIND this big, ugly mother and microwave her fat-"

Zim interrupted the human, "WAIT! That's it! To end these terrible waves of ravenous rabbits we must put an end to their QUEEN! I'm a genius!"

"That's what I just said, you idiot!" Gaz sneered at her companion as the Marshmallows' War Chant could be heard, growing louder as they approached the trio's position.

_Chubby Bunny! Chubby Bunny! CHUBBY BUNNY!_

"Fine! Whatever! Great plan, Zim!" Gaz gritted her teeth as she faced the breach. This was going to get messy. "Locate the Queen. I'll hold 'em off."

Zim tossed his rifle to the violent, violet-haired girl and raced over to the console on the far side of the Deck, "I should be able to locate the position of the Queen Bunny using the Station's bio-scanners! Just give me one minute and we shall find the vile mother!"

"Less explaining, more searching!" Gaz shouted at the Irken as she leaped up on the consoles they had been using for cover, laser rifle in each hand and brow furrowed in deadly determination as the Bunnies emerged from the hall. Gritting her teeth, she brought Bunnie upon Bunnie down in a rain of laserfire. Alternating fire from each rifle, the human held the line as Zim finished his search.

"AHA! The Bunny Queen has made her lair in the landing bay! SUCCESS! But, what's this? The bay doors aren't responding?" Zim slammed his fist upon the console, "CURSES! We'll have to activate them manually if we want to flush the Queen out of the ship!"

"Perfect!" Gaz shouted in frustration, blowing the faces off two bunnies with one shot, "Have a plan for getting us there, genius?!"

"Just one!" Zim said, activating a section on the wall opposite the breach and revealing another weapon rack, this one holding a variety of what looked like two-and-a-half inch thick cylinders. The Irken plucked one of the weapons from the rack and activated it, a blade made of laser sprouting from it, "An elegant weapon of a more hacky-slashy age!"

Gaz looked over her shoulder at the new arsenal, one eye wide open, betraying just the slightest hint of her surprise. "Oh, yeah. That'll work." She turned back towards the advancing bunny swarm, her rifles out of ammo, she tossed them aside. Pulling the pin on a plasma grenade with her teeth, she lobbed the explosive into the oncoming mass of marshmal-lagomorphs and leaped towards the rack of Laserswords. The resulting explosion making for an impressive backdrop as she sailed through the air, landing expertly in front of the rack as bunnies screamed in agony.

"Now, true mastery of the Lasersword takes years to master, human." Zim began to explained, ignoring the sound of the squealing GIR as the robot had been made airborne during the explosion and soon became intimately, yet briskly, familiar with the wall. "But, in the interest of not being devoured by angry marshmallows, Zim will allow you use of this bread knife!" He said, smiling as he held up a puny Lasersword used to quickly make toast.

However, Gaz had already chosen, and was currently twirling rather expertly, a twin pair of double-bladed Laserswords. She opened one eye to regard the tiny weapon, "Yeah, you can keep that one. Now shut up, Zim..." She dropped down into a crouch, ready to leap back into the fray.

"It's Rabbit Season."

* * *

Meanwhile, back on Earth.

Dib was beginning to wake up. After the incident with the pizza delivery ship, the human had found that all of his delicate, hidden cameras had been destroyed by a strange sound during the spaceship's landing. Turns out the delivery boy had the stereo blaring the latest, hottest beats from the club.

"What passes for music these days, huh?" Skoodge had said.

Well, with all of Dib's digital equipment destroyed, they were forced to switch to Plan B: Hiding in a bush with a Polaroid camera and hoping to snap a picture of Bigfoot. Whilst not the most technologically advanced plan, Dib's sheer determination would be enough to see it through. Right up to the point where he fell asleep.

"Ugh... What time is it?" Dib groggily said as he stirred from his slumber, he gave a gasp and sat upright, realization coming over him, "BIGFOOT!"

No. There was no Bigfoot. Only Skoodge.

"Mornin', buddy! Y'have a nice sleep cycle?" Skoodge was sitting upon a log, poking at the beginnings of a campfire with a stick.

"I fell asleep?" Dib said, "Aw, man! This happens every year! I stay up late and try to catch a picture of Bigfoot and he never comes!"

"Yeah, sorry about that, buddy." The Irken said, trying to console his bigheaded friend, "But, I was awake all night and I didn't see him either. All I saw was this big, hairy guy heading north. Nice guy, I think he was Canadian."

Dib's jaw dropped, "Big... hairy guy?"

"Yeah." Skoodge replied and pointed to the ground. There upon the ground were big, bare footprints. Bigfoot tracks.

Dib stared agasp, "Skoodge! That big, hairy Canadian WAS Bigfoot!"

"Really? His feet didn't look THAT big." Skoodge looked truely surprised at this turn of events, "...I thought he said his name was Jacques."

The bigheaded boy decided not to waste anymore time, snatching up his backpack and the primitive camera in a flash, "The trail is still fresh! We can catch up to him if we hurry! C'mon, Skoodge..."

Dib clenched his fist, brow furrowed in in determination, "It's Duck Season... I mean, Bigfoot Season!"

"Gee, don'cha wanna have breakfast, first?" The fat Irken said, holding up a pine cone he'd skewered on a stick. Dib slapped his hand to his forehead in frustration and after a brief argument they were off on the trail of Bigfoot.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunday evening, the last few remaining hours of freedom the weekend provided the people of Earth were drawing to a close. Soon the cold reality of their pointless lives would grip them like the nightmarish hands of a thousand skeletons and drag them kicking, screaming and soiling themselves back to their Skool Desks and Cubicles.

But, that's boring. Let's get back to the action in orbit, shall we?

After hours of hacking and slashing their way through the endless waves of marshmallow bunnies, Zim had finally managed to reach the landing bay. Bits of sticky, marshmallow goo and torn sections upon his uniform served as mementos for the day's activities. He was sore, tired and quite frankly sick of marshmallow, but he had finally made it to the landing bay.

"We did it, Gaz-beast!" The Irken exclaimed, "Soon the pitiful, disgusting Bunny Queen will be but a distant, sticky memory!"

There was no answer.

"Gaz-worm?" Zim called, looking around. He was alone in the landing bay. "Hm, she must have been horrifically torn apart while I wasn't looking. Oh, well. I suppose the glory of the Bunnies' downfall falls to ZIM!" He began to laugh maniacally as he was often inclined to do, only to end it rather abruptly when he found himself stepping upon a puddle of marshmallow goo.

"Oh, for the love of- What are the odds?!" The Irken shouted, his foot having found the one spot of sticky marshmallow on an otherwise spotless landing bay floor. Grumbling and cursing under his breath, he pulled his foot free and hopped upon one foot as he scraped the fluffy, white sludge off his boot with his Lasersword.

It was at that point something huge, angry and purple landed behind him.

Zim's antenna shot up at the sound, turning around and finding himself staring up at the Queen Bunny. She was a lot bigger than she was before. Easily the size of a semi-truck, and possessing two sets of arms and legs attached to her elongated body, she was a nightmare to behold. One could still see the missing chunk of her ear were Zim's incompetent, robot slave had incurred her wrath.

It seemed as though she was still a tiny bit miffed over that.

Zim's antenna went limp against his head as his jaw dropped. To add insult to impeding injury, his Lasersword flickered and died. This was going to hurt. This was going to hurt BADLY.

The Irken did the sensible thing and screamed in terror, running away as fast as his legs could carrying him from the monstrous, marshmallow matriarch. The Queen let out a bladder-shattering roar as she gave chase to the poor, green fool. After several minutes of running around in a circle in utter panic, Zim managed to find himself trapped in the corner of the landing bay, staring up into the cold, confectionery eyes of death itself. He could see his life flashing before his eyes as the Queen's enormous maw opened up down past her first set of shoulders, ready to swallow him whole.

"HEY!"

Both Zim and the Queen turned about at the voice. There, standing in an Irken Mech designed for loading and unloading cargo, was Gaz.

"Get away from the idiot, you chubby bunny!"

The Bunny Queen let out a screech of rage, charging the mech-mounted human. Gaz jerked her head to the side, stretching her neck with a loud, cracking sound before meeting the oncoming monstrosity's face with the mech's first. As the titanic combatants traded blows in the resulting scuffle, Zim used the opportunity to make his way over to the control console for the bay doors. Delivering a rather impressive uppercut to the Queen Bunny, knocking the fat monster towards the large, airtight, metal doors that opened out into space, Gaz turned to Irken and shouted, "Now, Zim!"

The Invader slammed his fist down upon the console, opening the landing bay doors out to the cold vaccuum of space. The resulting atmospheric pressure change sucked everyone towards the gaping, sucking maw of space. The Bunny Queen let out a horrified screech, falling upon all eight of her limbs, the granulated, crystal skin upon her palms coming off in strips upon the floor as she held on for dear life. The feet of Gaz's mech scraped against the metal floor as the mech was dragged towards the breach. Zim just outfight flew right at the open bay doors. Fortunately, Gaz had the reflexes needed to dominate the caffine-junkie-populated servers of Twitchy-Shooty Bulletfest, and quickly shot out her mech's hands. Attached back to their arms by thick cables, the first hand clamped down upon the bulkhead of the door leading to the rest of the station whilst it's twin caught the airborne Irken by the head with a loud squeak.

Despite the fact that he was no longer plummeting towards the cold vaccuum of space, Zim was far from relieved. The Bunny Queen's palms had been completely stripped off and the vile, sugary creature was now using the sticky marshmallow of her skinless flesh to crawl towards them. The Irken could feel his head slipping from the mech's grasp and the Bunny Queen seemed to notice this as well. If she was going down, she was going to take her creator with her. The beast's mouth opened wide and Zim could see dozens of what looked like half-formed, emaciated baby birds in the Queen's maw, all chirping and staring at him with a hunger in their wide, malformed eyes.

He screamed in terror, naturally.

"Wait for it!" The mech-clad girl said, "WAIT FOR IT!"

The aforementioned _"It"_ they were waiting for chose that moment to appear. The hall doors opened to reveal GIR, standing there with the usual, stupid smile on his face. One could practically hear the heroic fanfare. With an ear-splitting screech, he leaped at the Bunny Queen.

"CHUBBY BUNNY!"

The Bunny Queen's expression changed to that of pure horror as the bane of her existence flew towards her. The malfunctioning robot collided with the monster right between the eyes, causing the marshmallow matriarch to lose her grip upon the station, sending them both tumbling into space. The land bay doors closed and the pressure returned to normal. Gaz released her hold upon the bulkhead and walked the mech over to the window, watching as the Bunny Queen was engulfed in flame as she entered Earth's atmosphere.

"Well, there goes that plan." Zim commented, still being held up by the head, though he seemed to have gotten used to it. "Congratulations, human! You have proved yourself to be slightly more useful than the rest of your worthless ilk! When the Earth is destroyed, you will be spared... maybe."

The human girl just rolled her eyes, "Gee, thanks."

Zim put his hands upon his hips as though he was standing upon the ground, "I believe we have learned a powerful lesson, today. That using the power of science to give life to a race of hideous, marshmallow bunnies will only ever end in sticky, horrific tragedy! A lesson I shall be sure to keep in mind when creating an evil race of demon gummy bears for my next evil plan!" He exclaimed with a maniacal laugh.

Gaz scowled and gave the Irken a brief review of her thoughts on the matter by giving the alien's head a squeeze with the mech's clamp-like hand. Zim's eyes bulged out of his head as if he were a stress-relief doll and his limbs flailed in agony. "Hnnngh!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back on Earth.

Dib and Skoodge had spent the entire day tracking Bigfoot. Night had fallen over the woods and the dysfunctional duo had made little progress catching up to their hairy, Canadian prey during that time. It was through a pure stroke of luck that they finally caught up with him.

"THERE HE IS!" The bigheaded, paranormal investigator explained, pointing at the surprised Sasquatch that had just exited the park restroom. Now, Dib didn't know it at the time, but there was in fact an entire secret society of paranormal creatures on Earth, brought together by a common interest: to avoid being revealed to the world. Sort of an Anti-Swollen Eyeball Network. Sufficed to say, Dib was one of the more infamous members of what the society called: "The Paranormal Paparazzi", so it could be understood why Bigfoot took off into the woods at the sight of the bigheaded boy, a bit of toilet paper still stuck to his namesake.

"After him!" Dib exclaimed as he and his partner gave chase to the poor, hairy Canadian. The duo pursued the Sasquatch all throughout the woods, only managing to catch the occasional glimpse of the toilet paper attached to the frightened creature's foot. Dib finally caught a break as he slid down a short hill and turned to the right. He found Bigfoot hunched over, trying to catch his breath. The bigheaded boy grinned in success as he raised his camera to snap the greatest photo of his career.

"I have you now."

"AHHH!" Exclaimed his Irken partner as he tumbled down the hill crashing right into Dib and causing the boy to loose his footing and drop the camera, falling into a bush which can only be described as a mixture between a thorn bush, poison ivy and pain.

"Ugh..." Dib groaned in pain.

Skoodge gasped, "Youch! Sorry about that, buddy! Don't worry! I'll get him!" He promised, picking up the camera and continuing the chase, leaving his partner to his fate in the nightmare bush, "Hey, Jacques! Wait up!"

Dib was left laying in paralyzing agony for what seemed like hours before someone came along. Noticing an eerie, turquoise glow, he opened his eyes to behold the ghastly visage of the Mapinguari Ghost that had wrecked his sibling's room.

"H-Help me..." The boy pleaded, feebly lifting his hand to the undead sloth-creature.

The Ghost Mapinguari looked down at the poor boy and shook his head. Leaving a moment later in disgust.


	6. Chapter 6

Midnight, Monday Morning.

A fireball fell from the sky, a squealing robot riding atop it in true and utter glee. The malfunctioning automaton waved a flaming cowboy hat about much like one would shake a baby as he rode the flaming debris into the planet's surface, the immolating object impacting the Earth with a loud **_Thoom!_**.

All was right with the world.

* * *

Meanwhile, in an unsuspecting cul-de-sac located somewhere on the border of suburbia, two space heroes returned from saving the world from an invasion of confectionery conquerors. Albeit an invasion one of the aforementioned heroes had planned, but let's not split hairs over the matter. A malfunction with the space station's teleporters had brought the conquering heroes to an unfamiliar part of town, and they had spent the last hour traveling back to their intended destination.

"Whoo! What an amazing adventure we had returning to the base!" Zim announced loudly to no one in particular as he marched through the door to his base, carrying a tinfoil swan like a trophy, a huge grin plastered upon his face.

"What adventure?" Gaz said, stepping across the threshold, annoyed ever-so-slightly by the Irken's hyperbole. "Your stupid teleporter made us swap places with some couple at a fancy restaurant."

"Yes, but... did you SEE how magnificent Zim looked as we fled from the check?"

"Pfft, whatever." The violet-haired girl was in no mood to argue with the alien as she collapsed face-first into a pillow on the couch.

Zim growled as he marched into the kitchen, depositing the stolen leftovers into the fridge as he spoke, "Okay, fine! It was annoying and a complete waste of time. Congratulations, human! You have ruined the illusion of enjoyment that Zim had attempted to weave to cover up the memory of a mundane trip. Let there be rounds upon rounds of applause and applesauce for you, Gaz-monkey!" The Irken had excepted a witty comeback such as: "You're stupid" from the human girl, but there was only silence. Slightly concerned, he peaked back into the living room, "Gaz-monkey?"

He was answered by a snore that sounded like it originated from a crocodile (whether or not crocodiles actually snored was still up for debate). After two days of fighting monstrous marshmallow bunnies, the human had finally passed out on the couch.

As Zim stood over the sleeping earthling, watching her slumber, he couldn't help but notice how ugly and demonic she looked when she slept. The side of her face was smooshed against the pillow and a noise that sounded like it belonged to a rusty chainsaw came from her open, drooling mouth. The Irken grimaced at the sight, reminded just how horrible this creature was when she was awake and angry, and decided to pull the nearby blanket over the slumbering she-beasts' form, in order to save himself the horror of a Gaz with a bad night's sleep the next morning. The warmth of the blanket seemed to lessen the dreadful sound coming from the girl's mouth and this caused Zim to smile an over-bitten smile. Said smile soon faded as he felt something amiss. He rushed off to his lab to run a diagnosis.

Several minutes later the results came in.

"Computer! Give me the test results." Zim commanded his digital servant.

The computer gave a sigh and cleared his non-existent throat, said throat clearing, however, devolved into a coughing fit that lasted a minute or two, ending with a noise that sounded like the computer was spitting something. "Ahem, test results are negative, Zim. A marshmallow bunny is not going to burst out of your chest. This "warm, fluffy feeling" you've experienced is purely psychological. And I am not going down that road with you. I value my hardware too much."

Zim reclined in his chair, waving a hand dismissively, "Yes, yes. Zim is well aware that his amazing brain is far too complex and ingenious for your inferior processors to decipher." He gave a sigh spinning the chair around, "Besides, I already know what this feeling the Gaz-beast has caused is..."

"Friendship?" The computer suggested.

Zim chuckled, "Heh-heh, no... It means that my amazing guts are trying to tell me that she is THE ONE..."

"Uhh..."

"Yes! The PERFECT MINION!"

"... Yeah, let's go with that."

Zim hunched over, a look of concern on his face, "But, therein lies the problem. While her abilities make her worthy to be a minion of Zim, she is also a smelly, human dirt-child! And this could be problematic. Hm." The Irken touched his fingers together, deep in thought. "I shall need to think on this."

Monday morning. All over the world people were dragging themselves out of their beds, preparing for the next five, dismay days before they would once again taste the sweet proverbial nectar of freedom once again. In truth, it was one of the few things that let many go on with their meaningless existence.

Down in the depths of his base, however, a certain alien invader cared little for these facts. He was quite preoccupied at the moment weighing the Pros and Cons of having a human minion.

Literally.

"Smelly." He said, writing the word upon the screen of a console, after a second the word seemed to scrunch up and was formed into a cube which the computer brought into reality. Zim plucked the weighted, holographic cube from the surface of the screen and placed it upon a scale where he had stacked many other such cubes. He rubbed his chin, he had spent the entire night trying to decide and he still could not come to a decision.

"Hmm..." He looked at the scales, the happy-faced Pros side had exactly the same number of cubes as the sad-faced Cons side.

"Well, this is a problem." He said, leaning back in his chair. He slouched for moment before sitting up and looking around the lab. Seeing no one around, he gave an nonchalant whistle and flicked one of the Cons side cubes off the scale.

"Oh! Well, will you look at that!" He said, turning back towards the scale with a look of mock-surprise, "I guess that solves that, then! Very well, I shall inform the Gaz-beast of her new position immediately-"

"ZIM!" Came the voice of the human from the house level, her shouting piercing through the earth and metal to reach Zim's antenna. "WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SKOOL!"

"... How does she do that?" Zim pondered briefly before rushing to the elevator to the surface. He would tell her about her new position as human DOOM-slave when she was in a better mood.

* * *

Lunchtime. A brief respite in the horrible skoolday for the children that attended the horrid institution to consume just enough nutrients to avoid dying of starvation during class, as mandated by the skoolboard. Dysentery and other such maladies caused by the horrible cafeteria food, however, wasn't the skoolboard's problem.

Dib had spent three hours in the nightmare bush before Skoodge returned to get him. The fat Irken was beaming in pride at the photos he had taken of Bigfoot, after Dib's unfortunate tumble. The bigheaded boy took a moment to look over the photos his portly partner had taken as he carried his tray of cafeteria "food" to an empty table.

"That one's my favorite!" The chubby alien, who had decided to come with the young paranormal investigator to skool for some reason, said pointing at a blurry picture of Bigfoot's left buttock, the majority of the picture had been obscured by Skoodge's finger when it was taken. This was the best picture the alien had taken.

Dib sighed sitting down at an empty table, placing his tray upon the tabletop with a clunk.

_Clunk-clunk-clunk-clunk-clunk!_

Noticing the sound of several other trays hitting the table, Dib looked up to find himself face to face with his green-skinned nemesis.

"Zim." The bigheaded savoir of Earth said, clenching his fist.

"Dib." The Evil Irken Invader spat back.

"GAZ?!" Dib exclaimed in surprise, seeing his sister sitting next to his arch-enemy.

"Dib." The purple-haired demon child replied, annoyed.

"Skoodge?" Zim questioned as he looked at the hideous, ginger kid next to HIS arch-enemy.

"Zim." The fat Irken responded, crossing his arms.

"POONCHY!" Exclaimed the sweat-banded Drinker of Hate sitting next to Gaz. The rest of the table stared at the child who had decided to exclaim his own for a moment before Gaz showed him the back of her hand, knocking him away from their table.

"Gaz! What are you doing with Zim?! Did he hypnotize you? DID HE LAY EGGS IN YOUR STOMACH?!" Dib did not want to be uncle to a litter of Zim's chest-busters.

"I stayed over at his house after your STUPID sloth ghost destroyed my room 'cause I knew it'd annoy you." Gaz said, giving Dib a fit.

"Skoodge, I demand to know what you're doing consorting with the bigheaded likes of the Dib!" Zim interrogated his former roommate.

"Oh, I live with him, now. You kicked me out, remember." Skoodge said, smiling.

Zim chuckled, "Oh yeah. Good times. Goooood times." The Evil Irken turned towards Dib, still in suffering from his fit, "You may keep the Skoodge, Dib-stink! I have a much greater minion at my disposal, now!" The alien said, wrapping an arm around his arch-nemesis' sister and pulling her close.

Gaz, who was briefly surprised that Zim had dared to invade her personal space and embrace her, soon said, "Yeah, that's not happening." She grunted and pushed herself out of the alien's grasp. "Hrrrrngh!"

Zim looked shocked, "B-But, Gaz-beast!"

"I told you, I was just going to be staying over until my room repaired itself. I'm going home after skool today."

Zim looked devastated, the sad sound of a violin accenting his grief as he lost the best sort-of minion he had ever had in a sense.

"Will you play that somewhere else?!" Gaz said, glaring at the skoolchild Mary, who had been practicing her violin next to their table.

"Hmm." Zim stared at his tray, dejectedly before looking up, "Skoodge! I have reevaluated your housing situation and have decided to allow you to return to Zim's Base."

"Zim, when you kicked me out... it hurt me." Skoodge began, placing a hand to his chest, "Especially when you shot the suitcase at my head. That REALLY hurt. Besides..." The fat alien wrapped an arm around his new, bigheaded friend. "I've got a new friend now! And we're going to be together forever! Isn't that right, buddy?!"

Realization of the horrifying situation came to Dib like the swift, shrill strokes of a violin as it dawned on him that he might never be rid of this horrible, fat slob.

"For crying out loud! GO AWAY!" Gaz yelled at Mary, who still had not gotten the message.

Dib pushed the horrible, Irken roommate over the table to his arch-nemesis, "He's all yours."

Skoodge blinked at his sudden abandonment, "Eh, okay then."

* * *

The Skoolday came to a close, the freed children taking to the streets like escaped prisoners, only far less civil in their behavior. Zim and Skoodge had been reunited and were returning home, passing by a hobo camp that had been recently constructed around a crater.

"... and it turned out I was rubbing hemorrhoid cream on him." Skoodge said, recounting last night's escapades, "And for some reason, it made the rash WORSE!"

Zim threw his head back in maniacal laughter, "Muhahahahahaaaaa! Oh, foolish, stupid Skoodge. I had forgotten how amusing your staggering incompetence could be, sometimes."

"Heh-heh, yeah. I missed you too, pal!" The portly Irken said, going in for a hug.

Zim was having none of that, placing a hand on affectionate friend's forehead and holding him back, "Let's not do that." He said, before turning towards the hobo camp. He stuck his thumb and index finger in his mouth and gave a sharp whistle, calling the attention of those gathered around the campfire in the Hoboville.

GIR, who had survived reentry into Earth's atmosphere and the resulting impact, was covered in soot and burnt marshmallow, fitting in quite well with the filthy, unwashed hobos with whom he had befriended and dined upon the charred corpse of the Bunny Queen with, let out a squeal of delight. Picking up his little bindle and waving goodbye to his vagrant friends, he raced over to his master and embraced him in a hug. The sudden impact of the obnoxiously cheerful, metal child caused Zim to lose his grip upon Skoodge's head and the Invader soon found himself the victim of a group hug.

"Hrrrgh! Alright! ALRIGHT! Enough with the AFFECTION!" Zim spat, as he was released from the hug. He dusted himself off and cleared his throat, "Come, my faithful minions. Let's go home."

"Woohoo!" The fat, short Irken cheered.

"Yaaaaaaaay!" The filthy, charred robot squealed.

And Minimoose, who had been with us this entire adventure (honest!), gave a squeak of delight as they all headed home to plot the downfall of the horrible planet: Earth.

* * *

Meanwhile, the son and daughter of the world-renown Professor Membrane returned home.

"... and then he just shook his head and left me there! Can you believe it, Gaz?" Dib exclaimed, regaling his sister with the story of his recent, failed attempt to capture photographic proof of Bigfoot as they entered the house.

Gaz was torn, on the one hand, she liked hearing about her brother's torment, whilst on the other hand, his voice was like a cheese grater being dragged across her eardrums. She settled for only half-listening to her sibling's tale of torment, sitting down on the couch and letting the sounds of virtual evisceration coming from her Gameslave drown out the sound of her brother's voice.

"Ah, son." The floating monitor of their father came floating in from the kitchen, "It seems as though your little, redheaded friend made a little mess in the downstairs bathroom. Be a good boy and clean that up, will you?"

Dib gave out a sigh, "Yes, dad." He said, dragging himself off to clean whatever mess the fat alien had left in his wake.

As her brother left the room, Gaz paused her game, bringing up a picture on her Gameslave. It was a picture GIR had taken Saturday morning of her and Zim at breakfast. She was looking into the camera with one eye open, one of her cheeks ballooned with food as she had her fork in her mouth. Zim, had his newspaper lowered and was screaming angrily at GIR to put the camera down. As the purple-haired doom-child looked at the image, recalling the memories she had made over the weekend, the side of her mouth began to subtlety twitch in a way foreign and uncomfortable to her.

She closed the picture as the horrified screams of her brother pierced the air as he beheld the horror his house guest had inflicted upon the downstairs bathroom.

THE END.

A special thanks to all those who commented during this story. Twas your feedback that kept me interested in completing this story.


End file.
